Drinking Songs, For Better or Worse

It’s St. Patrick’s Day and that means only one thing for marginally-Irish and non-Irish people like me: a pub crawl with friends that will indubitably end with us singing horribly in a nearly empty pub.  On the other hand, a lot of us don’t necessarily need an excuse to drink, and drinking songs can come in handy on any given day.  And depending on the situation, choosing the appropriate song on the jukebox may be the difference between a great night and waking up in jail.

When I started making this Drinking Song Playlist for the week, I quickly racked up about 5 hours of music (which was an interesting finding in itself).  For the sake of the website, I had to split it up and the most obvious way to do so was by separating out the Country Drinking Songs.  But I also picked up on a number of other categories of drinking songs in the process, and I wanted to share them in case they may ever come in handy while inebriated.  [All of the songs listed below can be found on one of these two playlists; forgive me for not entering links for each individual concert but, besides it seeming superfluous, that would delay me getting out of work to go meet up for that pub crawl.]

“I’m Happy! Let’s Have Fun!”

If you’re in a good mood and with some good friends, it’s probably safe to go nuts. Even if you end up barfing and regretting it the day after, chances are you’ll be ok with it.  For this situation, the best songs are those you can make into a drinking game. The most famous is “Roxanne.”  Decide which half of the room wants to be ‘Roxanne’ and which half wants to be ‘red light.’  Then, when you play the song, you drink whenever Sting mentions your secret word.  Easy in theory, but quite difficult in practice.

*Other suggestions: “We’re Not Gonna Take It” (Twisted Sister); “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart” (Kiki Dee & Elton John — girls drink when Kiki says ‘heart,’ guys drink when EJ says it); “Chug-A-Lug” (Roger Miller — not a drinking game song, just some solid advice)

“I Can Barely Stand Up But I Don’t Want To Stop Partying”

No worries, just turn off your mind and dance!  Even if you’re so uncoordinated that no one will dance with you, you probably won’t notice the difference.  This approach also has the added benefit of making conversations more or less unnecessary, thus potentially taking focus away from your slurring incoherence.  The hilarious Wallpaper from Oakland, who would hit on himself if he could, sums it up best with his jam “I Got Soul, I’m So Wasted.”  It’ll keep your caboose moving whether you’re seeing double or triple, and the message is excellent – “Never give up!”  Also, the auto-tuning is barely discernible by that point in the night.

*Other suggestions: The funky “Gimme That Wine” (Blood, Sweat & Tears) or “Sloppy Drunk” (David Bromberg).

“My Head Hurts So Bad…What Happened Last Night?”

First, call your friends. If they answer, you probably didn’t do anything too outrageous.  If so, let that mental hangover drift away and enjoy the fact that you partied like a rock star.  Most of us have been there and understand; we won’t judge you based on your actions (as long as you don’t make a habit out of it).  Take it from Emmylou – what’s done is done and there is nothing you can do about it except order some greasy food, put on a movie, and enjoy some hair of the dog.  Just please don’t tell anyone you’re “never gonna drink again;” nobody’s fooled.

*Other suggestions: “I Got Loaded” (Los Lobos), “Have Another Drink” (The Kinks); “Sweet Blindness” (Laura Nyro)

“FML. I’m Getting Shitfaced”

Have you ever wondered how alcohol was first discovered? Hard to imagine it happening by accident, but I feel it’s been around longer than humans understood the subtleties of fermentation.  Either way, no matter how long alcohol has been around, there have also been tunes about drowning your sorrows. Whether it’s because your love left you, because you can’t pay the rent, or because every little thing adds up until the whole mass of them together becomes overwhelming, there’s a song for you.  The empathy found in that song can help you even if it doesn’t have a happy ending, but every once in a while you even come across a song where the drinking actually helps you feel better, instead of nothing at all:

*Other suggestions: “Too Much Alcohol” (Rory Gallagher); “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” (George Thorogood); “Lost in the Ozone Again” (Commander Cody); “Slightly Drunk” (Squeeze — this one is especially good for the emo intellectuals among you); too many more to list.

“Thank You So Much, You Particular Type of Drink”

This is one I wasn’t expecting because I’ve never had the urge to sing in praise of a specific type of drink. Alcohol is alcohol; getting drunk is getting drunk.  But I guess some people have a preference of which they can’t talk highly enough.  And thats cool.  “To each their own” is a phrase we’d do well to remember when we’re a little tipsy.

*Other suggestions: “Jose Cuervo” (David Frizzell & Shelley West); “Cold Gin” (Kiss); “Whiskey Rock and Roller” (Lynyrd Skynyrd); “I Like Beer” (Tom T. Hall)

No matter what your poison or your excuse for drinking, please be safe.  Cheers!